Payback: Why We Retaliate, Redirect Aggression, and Take Revenge Review

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Payback: Why We Retaliate, Redirect Aggression, and Take Revenge ReviewBasically, though neither of the husband-and-wife team of authors uses the phrase, this book is a backgrounder evolutionary psychology done right, with a full course of social psychology, on why people usally act back ... in one of three ways ... when attacked either physically or verbally/emotionally.
The "ev psych done right"? Briefly, the authors note that many animals either retaliate against aggression or else redirect it lower down the food chain while we (and chimpanzees) are the only ones so far known to also use revenge. From there, they look at how this affects/relieves stress, in both humans and other animals.
Then it's on to the human social psychology. They ask how this affects ideas of "justice" and more. The chapter on justice, with its looks at retributive and rehabilitative aspects of justice in light of humans' built-in payback propensities, could become a book by itself were the authors of a mind to do so.
Both in humans and animals, besides stress issues, the authors note aggression, and the various ways of dealing with it, relate closely to social status issues. they suggest this is part of why simple apologies often don't satisfy victims. Rather, whether consciously or not, victims are looking for a restoration of lost status, and perhaps a diminution of the aggressor's status. That doesn't happen after a few words.
Finally, the authors look at various religious traditions, as well as modern psychology, to suggest some ideas for forgiveness, for development of better non-retaliation skills and more.
Finally, don't just take my word for it. Any book with good blurbs by Robert Sapolsky and Frans de Wall ... another "Recommend" right there. So dive in!Payback: Why We Retaliate, Redirect Aggression, and Take Revenge Overview

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How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life Review

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How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life ReviewBook review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
The first thing I looked for when I opened this book was a section on "Notes," or "References," or "Other Readings," or anything that would give you a clue that Kirschner reached outside of himself and his own personal resources to write this book. There are none at all. There isn't even an index to the book.
The second thing I looked for when I opened this book -- after finding no sources of any kind! -- was the degree to which Kirschner's information is accurate. I think there is no question on this; however, I found most of what he said to be common sense and common knowledge. Anyone who operates in the world today--in any capacity, I might add -- knows and uses this information. Do we need it codified for us? Probably not. Does Kirschner add anything to the communication world? Not very much.
All that being said, did I find Kirschner's suggestions for dealing with troublesome others to be valuable or even useful? Yes, I did. And I believe that any book, article, set of information, or advice that helps people get along well (or better) with others is worthwhile. This book is full of hundreds of practical, useful suggestions for getting along well with others.
For my own level of expertise in this area, I had a college textbook, UNDERSTANDING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION that went through seven editions, and I have a best selling popular book, RELATIONSHIP RULES: FOR LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, SECURITY, AND COMMITMENT that covers much of the same valuable information. Sections on how to deal with conflict are prominent in both of these books.
In Chapter 7, "Clicking Electronically," I found it interesting that Kirschner deals with clicking over the phone, clicking using e-mail, and clicking when using social networks, however, he never mentions clicking via texting. Admittedly, many of the suggestions for clicking using e-mail would be useful and appropriate, but a separate section on texting would make the book more up-to-date.
What I appreciated throughout the book was Kirschner's emphasis on the importance of listening. Despite the context, everyone is likely to fair better if he or she begins with a listening perspective. He reveals the importance of listening by offering "A Short Course on Listening," in Chapter 3, then refers back to that information throughout this 254-page book. The topic of "listening" should be a prominent part of ANY book that deals with relationships or effective communication.
This is a "how-to" book designed for beginners--those with little or no experience in the world of relationships, getting along with others, making connections, being successful, developing meaningful associations, and communicating effectively.
One of the keys to success is captured by Kirscher when he says, "Stumbling blocks can cause a lot of frustration, and removing the stumbling block may require patience, flexibility, and determination" (p. 218). Patience, flexibility, and determination--no matter the context, issue, or people involved--is what effectiveness is all about. Often, we demand instant success or instant results, and the world of getting along with others doesn't usually operate at that speed.How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life Overview

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Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other Review

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Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other ReviewWhat I love about this book is that a whole person wrote it. Turkle includes both original research and her everyday experiences as a mother and a friend.
Unlike many books about technology, this book does not try to tell a simple story about it being good or bad. Its goal seems to be to help us live a better life in partnership with technology. Do we really want to give up privacy online? Do we really want to text during family dinners? Do we really want our companionship to be replaced by robotic companionship?
Instead of pretending you must take a side for or against technology, "Alone Together" asks us to look out for ourselves and what is good for us. My favorite idea is that the point is not to get rid of technology but that each individual must stop and think where it fits in his or her life.
"Alone Together" is a great read. The language is sometimes poetic and sometimes funny, but always compelling. Its ideas and questions are powerful and are long-lasting.
Highly recommended for everyone.Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other Overview

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Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection Review

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Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection ReviewFrom http://www.laurafreberg.com/blog
I just finished reading Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, which is coming out towards the end of August. The book summarizes, in very accessible terms, thirty years of work by John Cacioppo of the University of Chicago and his colleagues.
It's initially hard to get past the title. William Patrick, John's coauthor, relates how a friend reading an early manuscript found the word "loneliness" to be disturbing, even more so than "rape," "murder," or "death." This reaction fits perfectly with the major theme of the book-we humans are a very social bunch, and being cut off from other people, as in solitary confinement, might be the very worst punishment of all.
What I especially liked about the book is the constant, seamless integration of what we call "perspectives" in psychology, harkening back to William James. In other words, the neuroscience, social psychology, and cognitive science is all woven together so that you get the big picture. In other writing, John has compared psychology to a symphony, with the different perspectives contributing to the whole of our understanding just as the score, musicians, instruments, and conductor join together to produce fantastic music. He and William have definitely succeeded in bringing this integration to the study of loneliness. Given the all-too-frequent Balkanization of psychology into little subdomains, this approach is refreshing and informative.
Like William's friend, I found myself feeling sad at times while reading the book. I don't consider myself a lonely person, as I am blessed by having a close family and good friends. But I know a lot of lonely people, and reading the various case studies brought these people to mind in a vivid way. The sad mood lifted, however, when John would throw in some of his modest and self-deprecating humor, as in his description of his trip to "Grenada." Enough said. You need to read the book to find out the rest.
In spite of the sober topic, I think many people will jump at the chance to learn more from this book. My mother-in-law, over at our house for lunch, snatched up my copy and asked to borrow it. My daughters are pre-ordering theirs on Amazon. Kristin has mentioned that loneliness is such a huge issue for her soldiers, not only while they deploy, but even more so when they return to families who can't begin to relate to the things they've seen and done in combat. She's hoping that John will take a look at the vulnerability of soldiers to PTSD as a function of their initial loneliness scores, following up on research listed on the Loneliness site.
Best of all, the authors do not stop after describing the origins and implications of loneliness. Instead, there is a careful, thoughtful, step-by-step approach to reducing one's own loneliness. Following the recommended steps is never presented as a magic bullet, or a quick fix, but just a practical way, grounded in good science, to move from point A to point B. No matter how lonely or not lonely you feel, there are suggestions here to make the social aspects of life more meaningful.
Finally, I'd like to end by pointing out that these authors really do practice what they preach. The website for Loneliness has a menu feature called "socialize." In one of the blog entries, William Patrick describes how John insisted that he should be a "full co-author," instead of receiving his usual credits.
For those of you on Facebook, hope you join the Science of Loneliness group. There's something inherently ironic about that statement, but I hope to see you there soon. --Laura Freberg
Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social ConnectionLoneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection Overview

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Handbook of Social Psychology (Handbooks of Sociology and Social Research) Review

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Handbook of Social Psychology (Handbooks of Sociology and Social Research) ReviewThis handbook is well worth the investment, and provides a great overview of the history and seminal contributions from the field of social psychology.Handbook of Social Psychology (Handbooks of Sociology and Social Research) Overview

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